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When the last song is over It's a long process baby and I'm just beginning to - you know. Arrghh, it's a fucken epic battle every fucken day. There's not one fucken day thar pass by without something nagging at me, telling me it's not over. It is, and even I know that it's for the best. Sometimes I want to, so bad to pick up the phone and dial those familiar numbers, maybe if I did everything will be like it was. But I don't because I know there's no point in buying more time when it's the end. I woke up at 7 this morning, had a funny and slightly disturbing dream last night. Feel kinda sore from work, but work is good. It gets me money and takes my mind of everything. I just wished that every night won't end with me lying in bed trying to fall asleep whilst deciding if I'm happy or sad. I want Diet Coke. Probably take Rosa and Max for a walk later. They're fucken gorgeous, I love them to bits, like seriously, I fucken dote on them. If they chuck a shit in the garden I feel overwhelmed with pride, lol.I really want kids and the whole nine yards, I'm just unpatient at the process of getting there - I just want BAM WIZZ, kids et all. ya'll know? I want security, I want to feel assured that I fucken made it and feel some sort of accomplishment. I am struggling to comprehend the full discipline of being an adult (whatever that means)... like I wake up and I don't know what to do with myself. Is that normal? I feel slightly hypochrondriac again ... mm I start everything with I feel. Ironic as I feel kinda numb. |
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